Let's face it, divorce can be a nasty part of one’s road through life. You probably feel hurt, cheated, angry and you want to get back at your spouse for your own reasons and maybe they are valid, very valid, but keep one thing in mind...
It should not be about emotion, it should be about money!
And this money is the most important money in the world, IT IS YOURS!
Today, for the average divorce, my senior staff will undertake the appraisal but during my career I have been involved in thousands of divorce situations as a professional.
I have seen and heard it all and I bare my own scars from my own divorce procedure.
I have seen reasonably intelligent people fight and fight right to the end to get back at their spouse and to a point of obsessiveness. In the end - IT WAS NOT WORTH IT.
Look again at what I just said: It WAS NOT WORTH IT!
The professionals made money from very expensive lawyers right down the line to the appraisers. But get this into your head, it was their money; you have a choice, you can make professionals rich and yourself poor or you can go ahead to get your revenge.
Frankly, the best revenge in the world is to live well - financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you use the system to get your revenge, you will suffer in all fronts ,and when it is all over, too much time will have passed and you will rarely come out ahead.
There must be a better way.
The end will come if you fight it or if you ease the process along, but the end will come. You will get your divorce or separation agreement. If you have kids they will have to deal with the months and maybe years of bitterness, and unless you are one of the privileged, you will have to downgrade your way of life and living conditions. You cannot win fighting; your spouse cannot win by fighting.
You have heard a lot of the lawyers jokes, but having serviced the legal profession since 1968, I have a great deal of respect for lawyers who are top in their field. They get frustrated with clients who want their day in court as the clients will never be happy with the result, never get everything they want and the divorce case becomes a driving part of their lives, driving the lawyers crazy with constant phone calls over minor issues.
Am I advocating just giving in? Absolutely not!
What I am advocating is to take deep breaths, think it out in terms of financial status and leave the emotions out of the process.
If you were to work through your lawyer and set out a settlement and if your spouse did the same, you can mediate, arbitrate but whichever way you go, you save time and time in a legal process that equates to a lot of dollars in your pocket.
I want you to do a small test for yourself. Call a few friends or family members who have gone through a messy divorce. Ask them point blank, if they had the benefit of hindsight, would they have preferred to settle the whole thing quickly or were they satisfied with their process and the time it took.
In my own case, my wife and I focussed on the love we had for our children. We acknowledged each other as loving and caring parents. Respect for each other on that level was never an issue but I know that is not the case with all former partners.
We both knew what the ramifications of fighting could bring and we resolved to instruct our lawyers to work together to get us a mutually agreed upon settlement. We had some complex issues and had to retain a knowledgeable accountant which was costly, but in the end we each saved a small fortune, and after the fact we are better friends than we were husband and wife - and best of all - the kids did not have to deal with the usual bitterness that is common in divorce.
So what are the issues - your spouse cheated on you, ruined you financially, found a younger partner, hit you, was a couch potato who just sat around, had bad habits, was lousy in bed, was into drugs, turned gay, or straight, do I have to go on? Punish them the hard way - live well and get beyond the issue. Better yet, you are better off without them so now you must conserve dollars or you will be living on pennies.
One last thing - why did I write this? Why did I write it in the first person and without regard for politically correct wording? Because I am tired, absolutely tired of the nightmare that I have seen people go through in my lifetime and if I only help just you and assist one person come out of this process further ahead, it was worth it.
Are you ready to be reasonable but your spouse is not? Send this to them or direct them to my website.
Money in your pocket or revenge? The choice is yours.
Barry Lebow